Trans-Real News – Episode 9: A Few Side Effects

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In which Freelance police bust up a bowling alley, coffee shortages cause Damn Ego to despair, and experts speculate on the growth of The Slime, feelgood retro vibrations are strong. Loving Perspective offers you the perfect companion, Yaron Ioron discusses his return from the dead, and klie offers some advice on coffee smuggling.

The News in Brief

  • Heads roll in Grigny, Fance
  • Coffee shortage in Higher Dimensions
  • Media Blackout in Hell
  • Are ads on streaming services growing the slime?

Timespace Forecast (1’48”)

  • Feelgood vibes
  • Public dancing in North America
  • Social Media is blessedly quiet.
  • Rebellion in Asia

This Week’s Sponsor (2’42”)

Loving Perspective wants to change your mind with love and the perfect companion.

Interview with Yaron Ioron (4’05”)

[Toby] Yaron it is great to be able to interview you today after your brutal murder. How are you feeling?

[Yaron] Toby, I feel great, believe it or not. I was worried that after dying, I would have been dealing with a lot of trauma and regret. Instead I feel this whole new love of life. Maybe it;s true what they say, you don’t know what you have until its gone.

[Toby] How is that going to affect your day to day life Yaron?

[Yaron] Well, first, I am definitely going to find more time for family, you know? Mom & Dad had to take a lot of risks to bring me back. And I am considering starting a family and settling down. See the miracle of life for myself. And, of course I want to _______________

[Toby] [Explitive] -ahem- Sorry Yaron, what did you just say.

[Yaron] Ah, Sorry Toby. I just do that some times. The guys over at Tul’Ophala told me that it would be a temporary thing, and that ____________ . Sorry. There I go again.

[Toby] Yaron, there were tentacles coming out of your mouth.

[Yaron] Yeah, that. It seems like I have a passenger. Don’t worry about it. I am taking medicine and he should be gone in a few days. Very common side effect of necromantic resurrection.

[Toby] I see. Any more major side effects?

[Yaron] Nah. Like I said, I feel great. Just a few embarrassing, temporary ticks, __________ 

[Toby] Well, speaking of resurrection, I am sure the audience is dying to know, what did you experience on the other side?

[Yaron] I’m afraid I can’t say, Toby. See, the necromancers over at Tul’Ophala… they suppress your memory a split second before death, and of everything afterwards, to avoid any trauma. I remember that Torg jerk stabbing me, but after that… Nothing until I woke up in their client reception area. Which was the nicest thing you could have ever woken up to. Edna, their staff therapist said _______! _________!

[Toby] Yaron!

[Yaron] I’m Okay… I’m Okay. Just a little tired. 

[Toby] Do we need to cut this short?

[Yaron] Yeah, maybe. I feel like a wimp. Honestly. I am at 90%, and getting better all the time, Toby. This last little hump is it and I will be back to work. Tul’Ophala did  a great job. But maybe I wasn’t ready for an interview just yet.

[Toby] Take your time, Yaron. We love you.

[Yaron] Thank’s Toby. I promise, I’m not rushing. Dead takes a little time to recover from.

Advisories (7’05”)

  • Whatever Damn Ego says, Kie deosn’t advise a vacation in Hell right now.
  • Coffee carting might be a great opportunity.
  • Bodhi and Brew is still open for business

Additional Credits

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