Trans-Real News – Episode 12: Storm Warning

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News Brief

  • Reality storms coming in.
  • Elevated global irreality comes to 0.15‽
  • Reality Warfare spreads with increased cuil
  • Keep your Indigo Child home, keep their classmates out of the Cornflied
  • Loving Perception reveals love-bot skin made from processed televistic slime

Timespace Forecast (1’15”)

Increased reality storms or even superstorms coming in.

The best material for an irreality readiness kit:

  • tourist magazine with plenty of photos of public figures and public landmarks
  • quantum-fixed fabric envelope
  • smartphone with a SIM card connected to a higher-sphere communications service
  • bottled water for several days
  • food with simple produce ingredients
  • blessed weaponry
  • hand-cranked radio
  • iodine pills
  • battery-operated pocket watch
  • stocked first aid kit
  • giger counter
  • battery operated irreality with 4‽ range

Our Sponsor (2’55”)

Tul O’Phala has the magic that works! Reasonable resurrection services for you or your loved ones.

Advisories (3’40”)

  • We really can’t emphasize how dangerous reality storms can be, Lovelies.
  • Safe places to wait out reality storms:
    • Joshua forests of Arizona
    • the Great Wall of China
    • the shores of the Amazon
    • Wichita, Kansas
  • Make sure you know exactly how much irreality you astral vessel’s engines can take.

Captured Conversation on a Hot Mic (5’00”)

[Yaron] Klie, glad to see you in the studio, got a minute?

[Klie] Of course, Yaron! I hadn’t expected to see you back again so soon. How is your netherworldly friend?

[Yaron] All gone, thank God.

[Klie] I’m glad. Spiritual parasites can be a real misery. Almost like that ad we just played. Ugh.

[Yaron] Yeah… looks like Tul’Ophala is raking it in.

[Klie] You were good publicity.

[Yaron] I guess… but that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about.

[Klie] This sounds intriguing. What’s on your mind?

[Yaron] Look… Klie… you’ve been dead before right? A few times?

[Klie] More than I care to count. And I’ve come back in more than a few ways.

[Yaron] How do you… you know, get over that last hump?

[Klie] Which hump, darling?

[Yaron] You know. The doubt. The wondering, am I really still me? Wondering if the real you is off in Heaven and you’re just, you know… a half-rate copy?

[Klie] I don’t think I ever did. I just found other ways to entertain my mind than feeding my anxiety.

[Yaron] Really?! You? I’d’ve though that the guy they called Bloodw—

[Klie] tu-tut-tut-tut. I’d rather not hear that name out loud, Darling. Different me from a different time.  You have been doing your homework, haven’t you, you nosy boy? You might be too good a reporter for this outfit.

[Yaron] Sorry, I, uh…

[Klie] Think nothing of it. Tell you what, let’s you and I go grab a beer or three, and I will help you work through it as good friends. Just no talk about the bad old days, hmm?

[Yaron] Yeah. Okay. I’d like that.

[Klie] Don’t worry, darling, you don’t “know too much.” I’m not going to murder you again. I just don’t like to talk about it. Boundaries.I really am a different man now.

[Yaron] Thanks, Klie.

[Klie] Tch– and someone left those damnable microphones on again, too. I’m starting to suspect someone is up to no good.

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