Trans-Real News – Episode 13: Schoolgirl Rampage

| 0 Comment| 11:30 am

The conflict in Ularu is finally over, and Retrograde Dynamics’ super-girls are going on tour as a pop band. Reality storms build toward a superstorm; weirdness reaches a new peak. A message from some talking lobsters. The news staff struggles with stories.

News Brief

  • The magical girls have finally destroyed the eldritch horrors.
  • The aftermath is a true disaster.
  • Reality storm leads to some serious bohemianism.
  • Bakaku-no-ken otome goes on your.

Timespace Forecast (1’43”)

The storm is spreading globally.

3‽ storm over point nemo.

Our Sponsor (2’42”)

The makers of Atomic Salsa offer you The Eruptor; scour mind, body, soul, and bowels with this herbally-enhanced hot sauce.

A Message From the Homarind Empire (3’28”)

Her most exalted and celestial highness Gula, the eater of sun-stars and protector of coral hails you surface dwellers, and wishes you peace and enlightenment. She wishes that I convey her most sagacious hail to you.

While the span our of sentience is short, we have learned and reasoned much. We have seen that consciousness is a burning temple, and compassion is the art of bringing water to those trapped inside. We choose to leave you with a message of hope as we prepare to traverse to the stars, that we might never come into conflict. Peace be upon you, most venerated ancients of the Land.

Captured Conversation on a Hot Mic (5’30”)

[Yaron] Well that was a borng news day. Two stories, come on!

[Toby] Well, what do you want us to do about it?

[Yaron] You know what I want you to do about it. Look, my scoop is legit. I got more for you right here.

[Toby] You know we can’t run this.

[Yaron] What, so we’re bought and sold by Tul’Ophala? Look, I’m glad I didn’t hurt you guys… but people are getting hurt.

[Toby] I know, I know. And trust me, I want to run it. I’m also onto something even bigger about the way the Authorities are handling Hell, but, they executed our last informer! They killed a Xollo, for crying out loud.

[Yaron] Yeah… yeah, I know. And I’m really glad he passed on to us what we know now.

[Toby] And the Authorities are already breathing down our necks about it. They’ve made it clear that anyone talking to us about what is going on in Hell is going to get more of the same.

[Yaron] Really? It’s that bad?

[Toby] Yeah. It’s that bad.

[Toby] Listen, Yaron, it’s going to be one story – and one story only until the storm passes. But keep gathering your information. Maybe we can crack this open… and somehow not alienate the rest of our sponsors. I’m gonna think about it. Just give me time.

[Yaron] Alright, Toby. I’ll keep it up. Say, is it true that Walter is planning on going out there if the storm hits us.

[Toby] Yeah. He wants to do a report outside.

[Yaron] in That?

[Toby] You don’t get to 63 years old by taking stupid risks. I’m sure he has some idea what he’s doing. But still…

[Klie] Oh, I wouldn’t worry about him nearly as much as the rest of us, darlings.

[Yaron] Oh, hey, Klie, how’re you doing?

[Klie] I’ve been better, my firends. Once again the mics are on. And this time I tried catching in the booth whoever was playing with them. No luck. They were gone before I managed to get there. But I have the power cable right here. And I will be setting up a shutoff panel under Toby’s desk so no more of this mischief will be going on.

[Toby] Might be too late if they just tried to damage us.

[Klie] Which is why Yaron has to break the story, don’t you darling?

[Yaron] I was going to do it one way or another.

[Klie] And here I thought true Journalism was extinct. Very sexy. Now let’s ruin our little spy’s day, shall we?

Music Credits

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