Trans-Real News – Episode 35: Crush, Kill, Destroy!

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The Trans-Real News Team gathers with the Horde to take back control of reality. The killsat is destroyed. The indigo children play with butterflies.

News Brief (1’03”)

The Time Barbarian Horde is mustering in Capitola

Newly reinstated hordemaster, Torg Skullcruaher is about to address the Horde.

The Authorities’ kill-sat has been disabled by the Occulted Collective of Hackers. Using a USAF sattelite.

The Russian Government officials are disappointed Russian anti-satellite technology was not used.

The Aussieflora Hive Mind has been eradicated never in the history of Earth have we lost so many life forms at once. It is a tragedy, even if they did all want to kill us 

Timespace Forecast (2’50”)

Several generations of time-travelling barbarians in Zyante, CA, which is a place that is deal for mass time-tunneling.

Beware the possibility of flotsam from possible pasts or futures washing up, such as violent alien pepper-mills, deranged cyborgs, or ravening sleestaks.

The Indigo Children have settled for now just down the highway in Pacific Grove, which has had an unseasonably early butterfly migration.

Torg Speaks (4’09”)

hail to you, my people! And glory to the horde! It is so good to be back in my position of Hordemaster, and i promise you all I will never abuse it again!

Before you stands a portal to the higher planes, but not as you or I would know them:

It is a place created by the imaginations of the mortals of this time.

it is a place mired in the sludge created by television.

It is a place guarded by Archons that pretend to be divine beings but are little more selfish creatures.

It is a place ruled over by men who pretend to be Gods: The Authorities are the greatest enemy we have ever met.

While we cannot excuse the men of this time for their softness, Thanks to these brave truth-tellers and investigators we learned that they are responsible for much of the decay and softness that left humankind so vulnerable, in this, their direst hour… That without the Authorities this the future might have been much different, and we might have lived in a time of prosperity and peace.

And as we have bent this time stream, they have revealed themselves as the basest cowards and thieves. They cannot control others, so they would rather destroy them. And they do not even do it with an army: they do it with death rays and killer satellites.

Will we stand for such weakness forming our history?! Will we stand by and let these fools determine the future our children will grow up in?! Will we let these cowards bend and warp the minds of men and turn our ancestors into dishonorable curs?!

I say no! I say rally the horde!

Rally the horde!

Rally the horde!

We will march through that portal and we will crush every last one of them. We will raise the hammer! Into Glory Ride! I invite any 21st cetury warrior to join use as we invade the Upper planes. through the Gates of Heaven! If these fools have made themselves petty kings, then i say we shall decorate our sword with the blood of kings.

Who is with me?

Who is with me?!

We go at dawn!

Crush, Kill, Desroy!

Crush, Kill, Destroy!

Crush, Kill, Destroy!

Interview with Torg Skullcrusher (7’05”)

[Yaron] That was one hell of a speech, Torg! ‘Glad I was here to catch it! And I’m Glad you are back to being hordemaster. How does it feel to have made it all the way back up to the top so quickly.

[Torg] Humbling, actually. Humbling. I had to learn an awful lot to earn this place back… and I am not sure I yet deserve it. As for the speech, thank you, Yaron, it was mostly improv*, but I have learned a great deal by listening to 20th century metal and watching 20th century profesional wrestlers. few are better at working this kind of glorious crowd!

[Yaron] So, what are you going to do now for preparations?

[Torg] What every great war leader before and after this soft! First we feast, then we slay! But there’s a matter between you and I that I must settle first. [Draws sword]

[Yaron] Hey, now! easy with that thing!

[Torg] You are too jumpy! This is for you to arm yourself! I wish to appoint you our first War Correspondent! March with us so you can cover the glory of the destruction of the Authorities!

[Yaron] That’s a hell of an offer Torg.

[Torg] Joining us for the feast and being ready for battle is far more interesting than standing around and interviewing me. After all, until a couple of days ago, I was just the weatherman!

[Yaron] Alrignt, i accept. thank you, Torg!

[Torg] For one last time… back to you, Toby!

Additional Credits

Includes the Songs:

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