Trans-Real News – Episode 37: Pyre

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The Trans-Real News team takes a break for a game night to catch their breath after the Resistance manages to finally bring the Authorities low… but they are troubled by Torg’s injuries, and the terrible traditions of his people…

Game Night (0’00”)

[Toby] I’ll kick in the door. Ready 3… 2… 1… [dice clatter]

[Dr. F.] A two! He send the door flying open surprising frightened creatures in the next chamber. Unfortunately, you had forgotten to search for traps. As you stand there looking triumphant and bold there’s a sound of a latch being released in a powerful spring and blades come down towards you. Save against wands.

[Toby] Oh hell. [Dice clatter] I got a two.

[Dr. F.] How many hit points have you got left?


[Dr. F.] There’s a sudden painful jerk has your lifted part way off the ground by a slinging blade that swings from abov. Your cough and sputter your last and everything fades to black.

[Timmy] [Snarl.]

[Dr. F.] No, I’m sorry Timmy, you were in the back of the marching order, you are not close enough to attempt to take the hit for him.

[Toby]. It’s okay, Timmy, Gorethak The fighter was on his last legs anyway. This is one hell of a dungeon, doc. We’re dropping like flies.

[Dr. F.] I honestly don’t understand, you guys are having the worst luck tonight.

[Toby] And we’re getting lazy, too. This is a thinking man’s game, and I think we’re all a bit distracted today.

[Dr. F.] Yes I understand. Perhaps I should be taking it easy on you?

[Klie] Don’t you dare! This game is only fun when it’s hard. Come join me on the character generation couch Toby. We can collaborate with Yaron.

[Dr. F.] Well, it looks like it’s down too Ashley, Bob, Walter, Warren, and Timmy to sort this one out. And, I’m afraid that the delay as you all staring shock it Gorethak has cost you the element of surprise. Timmy, roll us initiative.

[Timmy] [Inquisitive snarl]

[Dr. F.] Use the square one and roll high.

[Dice clatter.]

[Timmy] [Sad snarl.]

[Dr. F.] I’m afraid that you, on the other hand have a moments delayed before you can reach your swords. And the creatures in the next room, hunched, malformed humanoids with blue skin and tentacles coming up the shoulders search forward at you before you are ready…

[Dr. Fleischmesser’s voice fades, as Toby joins Klie and Yaron.]

[Yaron] another One bites the dust, eh?

[Toby] Yep. Gorethak died as he lived, perpetually stunned and confused. Hopefully, I will roll a higher intelligence this time. I’d kind of like to go back to playing a magic user.

[Klie] No competition here. I’ve created a right idiot. Good in every other stat though, I think I might make him a paladin. I can be lawful stupid for a night.

[Yaron] Sturmbrau?

[Toby] Don’t mind if I do. Honestly, that was careless of me. I don’t think my head’s on the game.

[Yaron] Who’s is?

[Klie] Tell us about the new studio.

[Toby] We should be able to move in at the end of the week. Might even get a broadcast in this week, yet. The equipment is going to be top-notch, and Warren is going to make sure that it is tamper proof.

[Yaron] We never did catch the spy.

[Toby] Honestly, I’m pretty sure it was one of us. In fact, I thought it was you for the longest time, Yaron.

[Yaron] Me?

[Toby] Whoever it was wanted to hold us to a higher standard. Leaking what they did forced us to put forward the Tul’Ophala story when I was honestly considering burying it. They forced me to act with integrity. Which, was your game and a whole bunch of ways.

[Yaron] No. It wasn’t me.

[Toby] Well, it sure as hell was nice to see Terry beg to get us back. Triple the budget and all. I definitely think we earned it.

[Dice clatter]

[Toby] Welp, looks like I’m playing another burly moron. At least I’ll have an excuse when I’m distracted from the game.

[Klie] None of our heads are in it. I think we are all thinking about tomorrow’s ritual. ‘Might as well say it out loud.

[Yaron] I know I shouldn’t judge other people’s beliefs, but it is utter bullshit.

[Klie] If you don’t exercise a little judgment once in awhile, then you are a sucker. Even about other people’s beliefs. Let’s face it, there’s a lot of flawed thinking in the Barbarian religion. And this is utter bullshit.

[Dice clatter.]

[Toby] How bad is he?

[Yaron] That death ray would have killed almost anyone else. As it was, he’s lost all use of his left side. Arms legs, lung. Most of his internal organs are paralyzed on that side too. You know what he told me?

[Toby] That it only takes one hand to crush a man’s skull?

[Yaron] He said it was a small price to pay for freeing humanity from the authorities. That was even before he saw those last two heads.

[Toby] A world without authorities. It’s going to get crazy.

[Klie] You know, I’d assumed that they would be like vikings. “If a man loses his leg teach him to weave baskets. No man is a waste so long as he serves his community.”

[Yaron] Where is that from?

[Klie] The Havamál. An ancient Viking holy book. But, these barbarians… Expecting a man to light his own funeral pyre …

[Ashley] Y’all don’t look like you’re having any fun at all.

[Klie] We are all ruminating on Torg and his impending self-destruction.

[Ashley] Yeah. That is some heavy stuff.

[Yaron] What brings you over to the loser’s circle?

[Ashley] Morlock shaman and a critical hit. I’m afraid Sexina, Layer of Men , has seduced her last dragon. Time for something new.

[Toby] How about you roll up a magic-using interplanetary smuggler in silk robes and a skintight spacesuit?

[Ashley] Now that is ridiculous idea. Even for Dungeons & dragons. It’s perfect..

[Toby] … So, are you going?

[Yaron] Yeah. I feel like I have to. Torg and I have linked our cha or something. He really wants me there.

[Klie] I’m going, too. It’s bullshit, but I want to show him some respect.

[Yaron] His last order as hordemaster let’s stop hunting men for a couple of decades. He wants to give us a chance to prove and without the authorities manipulating us, we will grow stronger as a culture.

[Toby] We are probably doomed.

[Ashley] Toby Damt, a man who stands up for truth and integrity has no business talking that kind of shit about people. You had to give up your pessimistic card, remember?

[Toby] Yeah. You’re right.

[Yaron] You hear something?

[Klie] Is that singing?

[Ashley] Oh my god, it’s the Indigo children! Bob come quick!

[Bob] Look at ’em all wanderin’ around in the middle of the night! Where do you suppose they’re going?

[Ashley] Let’s follow ’em and find out!

[Toby] Hans, Walter, Warren, the Indigo children are passing. We’re going to follow them.

The Ceremony (7’04”)


This is Toby Damt and we are following the Indigo Child migration as it passes through the marshes of Aptos.

The children seem healthy, clean, and in good spirits. At least in part, we hope, due to the charitable organizations that have made sure that food and water have been on their path and made available at their camps.

He don’t seem to mind our presence, in fact, they seem to be encouraging us to follow along with smiles and beckoning.

We should soon be coming up on the site of the ritual pyre where to work skull crusher has been performing his final meditation before his funeral ceremony tomorrow. Sorry. I’m afraid I’m having a little choked up.

[Klie] I’ll take it, Toby. Sometimes it pays to be a bit of a cold-hearted bastard. You haven’t quite reached the level of real life Spider Jerusalem yet.

My lovelies, are the children are gathering around talk where he sits in a meditative pose on top of a great pile of logs, surrounded by gold and treasure. They appear to be singing to him.

[Torg] children, what are you doing here? This is no place for you.

Ah. My friends. I take it you have followed these strange little ones here? This is meant to be a time of sombre reflection. I should rather be alone.

[Klie] ‘Can’t help you, Torg, these children are here on instinct I would guess. Although, they do seem to be moving with purpose. We are just here to report on events.

[Torg] A fine excuse. But, I’m glad to see you all the same. Is Yaron here?

[Yaron] Yeah, I’m here. What can I do for you Torg?

[Torg] I have given you honours as I could, Yaron, but I have not once properly apologized for stabbing you. It was the act of an arrogant fool. I am sorry. And I was hoping for the chance to say so.

I regret leading my people in this slaughter. I saw that the true enemy was not weak men, but men who make others weak. Would that I had seen this before. I…

[Klie] The children have gathered around Torg now. They have raised their arms, and are conducting some kind of Ceremony.

[Torg] What is this feeling? What is going on? My arm! I… I can move my it! Children, you should not do this! I… I can see all of time.

[Whoosh of fire!]

[Toby] Dear Gods! he’s burning!

[Torg] … All of Space! Man from beginning to end! Truth and Falsehood; Reality and Irreality! It’s burning in my mind! [Screams] I see Now

[Klie] Torg… you’re glowing! What’s going on??

[Torg] I… I have seen everything. I have see… the great mural… the Tapestry of time in its entirety, and my place in it. I have fought. I have crushed. I have won. I have put an end to things. Now, someone must be responsible for a new beginning. These children can do much… but they need guidance.

[Klie] Torg… you’re glowing.

[Torg] [laughing] It’s fitting, isn’t it? Of all the foolish things… they’ve decided to make me a god.

[Toby] A god, you?!

[Torg] Well, why not my friend? Do not be envious though. This comes with a heavy burden, indeed. I have much to do to set things right. Hopefully you will keep to your path and tell people what you see,

[Torg] I must go. I must speak to my people, now. They will not be happy. But they will be relieved.

[Klie] I’m not sure exactly what I’ve witnessed here, my loves. The indigo children all seem to be snapping out of their trances now. They are going home, or going off to play in the woods. I hope that they all eventually to their parents now. This is Klie Maxwell… signing off.

Additional Credits

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